Speaker: Chuck Rolando (Standard American accent)

Lawyer jokes are a very popular form of humour, but true legal stories can be even funnier. Here are some cross-examinations that took place in American courts. They come from the book Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History by Charles M. Sevilla:

Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan!

Attorney: This Myasthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male.

Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.